by Rob, Oh The Humanity
ONE LINE SUMMARY
Disco, gods, and Gene Kelly mix to make what could be the worst movie ever made.
Okay, take a deep breath. Count to ten backwards. Do some Tai Chi. Ahhhhhh... Now I feel almost ready
to talk about Xanadu. This is- NO, I can't do it! I can't write about this movie with any kind of civility! I would
personally like to shove every video of this movie so far up the directors yin-yang so he'd sneeze tape for
the next ten years. This movie is so mesmerizingly horrible you may become too entranced to turn it off.
Resist the urge to watch, my friend, for this movie is truly a deep, deep dive into hell. I think the CIA uses
this movie to get information from foreign moles. I try to think what inspired this movie other than many,
many hallucinogens and repeated viewing of the roller disco episode of Buck Rogers. The plot is about a
goddess (Sandy from Grease in all her Australian glory) coming to earth to help some old guy (Gene
Kelly- sad, isn't it?) who in turn is magically helping some disco dork build the nightclub of his dreams.
There's tons of disco and skating and the worst special effects I've ever seen which look like they came
straight out of Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough" video. It's all here, and it's all painful.
Oh, and the music. Well, you all know the theme song and if I tell you that it's far and away the best song
in the movie, you should now what I'm getting to. It's horrible and painful and feels like fire ants crawling in
your skull. The lead guy is sooooo 70's and a cross between David Cassidy and Eric Roberts. That little bit
of horror pretty much sums up the movie. Try to make fun of the movie if you can, and if you get through
the whole thing, be proud.
THINGS TO WATCH FOR
The special effects; Olivia's disco, yet omnipotent parents; the most amazing dancing since Rooftops;
Gene Kelly's final film (well, before those Hoover commercials); the dancing, the dancing, they just won't
stop the dancing!!!!!! Auuuggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!